La vie c'est surtout un vide qu'on doit remplir avec tout type d'expériences. Il ne faut pas se fermer à la possibilité de grandir à travers l'expérimentation des choses.

La vie, à fur et à mesure que les années se sont passées, m'a enseigné à croire en moi-même. Je ne vais pas nier que j'ai eu milliards de moments où je me suis senti perdu et sans direction et que peut-être ce moment-ci en soit un, mais j'ai toujours cherché la manière d'y trouver la solution.

Maintenant, je sens que j'ai appris à ne pas me méfier des personnes qui m'entourent. Bien sûr je n'ai pas encore réussi à confier ma vie à tout le monde, je ne suis pas encore été entièrement transparent et honnête avec tous ! J'ai menti. Je me suis caché derrière une barrière qui ne me permettait pas sortir au monde et le battre. Je ne saurais pas si dire que c'était peur ce qui m'empêchait d'être libre, mais je suis orgueilleux de pouvoir finallement être ouvert vers mes amis.

C'est étrange la façon dans laquelle on pense que les autres vont agir après savoir ce qui tu es en réalité. Tu peux créer beaucoup d'images dans ta tête et à la fin, rien n'est comme tu croyais. C'est même drôle penser que tous le savaient, ou y avaient déjà pensé, ou en avaient déjà une idée, mais c'est mieux que tu aies le courage pour le leur dire "sans poils dans la langue" comme on dirait ici au Mexique !!

Quelques personnes me demandent...qu'est-ce qui s'est passé avec l'Edgar que nous avions connu ? avec l'Edgar qui disait et qui criait aimer quelqu'un et maintenant vient nous dire que tout a changé ? Ma réponse à tous ceux qui ont demandé c'est que cet Edgar est exactement le même qu'ils ont connu et que je n'ai rien changé, que l'amour n'a pas d'âge, n'a pas du sexe et qu'on peut aimer également soit un gars soit une fille, que sur mon coeur je n'ai aucun contrôlle et que j'ai - il y a longtemps - arrêté de penser avec la tête et j'ai commencé à faire attention à tout ce que mon coeur me dit.

Pour finir, je veux dire merci à tous ceux qui, étant très sages, m'ont démontré que vous n'étiez pas jugeants et que vous aviez un esprit plus ouvert. Je suis heureux de pouvoir compter sur vous. VOUS SAVEZ QUI VOUS ÊTES!!

Je vous remercie de votre compréhension.

Ahhh et désolé pour avoir écrit cette entrée en terrible français, mais j'espère que vous compterez avec l'aide de quelqu'un qui sache français ou quand même avec l'aide de google translator....

À + !!

Take a deep breath. Feel the heart beating fast. The rage is running through your veins, I know you can feel it because it burns inside as if it were a huge flame. But, what's the point in letting it burn the walls of your veins, rage is not going anywhere unless you decide to face the truth for once and for all and you notice that you're not the only one with a fear of being left behind, you're not the only one who feels alone....yes, that rage that you feel is not because you're in a huff with the world, but because you're mad at yourself. You're mad that things don't go your way...But, when do things go our way? They never do unless you're a lucky bastard.

I guess that when I start feeling happy with myself and with who I am, I'll start enjoying myself everywhere that I go. I was once told I'm like a marionette with whom everybody can do whatever they want no matter what it is, because I'm so undecided about my own life that anyone who comes around will influence me and will shape me to whatever shape they want of me..whether it is because of their convenience or because things happen like that. Lately, things haven't turned out the way I wanted but that's ok. Now I feel I know something else about myself, I've come to know me a little bit better and even if I won't make any change any time soon, I know that I have to change some things of my personality, and not because I'm trying to please someone else, but because I've noticed it's better for me in order not to get hurt so many times so often.

Maybe I've given too much from me without receiving anything back. Maybe I'm tired of being a friend and now I need to be a foe. Who knows? Not even I do. I am certain I won't stop being a friendly person...even though that is often misunderstood as nosey. I love life, I know it might look dark sometimes and now it's almost black to me, I can hardly see further. But I know I will find a light and I'll be able to see a new day where I am a different person happy with himself. I still have tons of things to do but it's getting late and I'm getting lazy to keep writing.

Hard. Too much thinking, almost overthinking. Living hidden. Fearing. Enjoying. Easy...sometimes. Promiscuity. Self-compassion. Cowardice. Courage. People. Laughter. Sex. Fun. Breathe. Share. Keep for oneself. Loneliness. Trips. Memories. Family. Friends. Me.So many things going on. So big this whirlpool in which emotions come together and melt in only one being: Me.Leaving all you've always thought is right behind...not easy, is it? Wish I had it...yes. We all need it at one point. Why fearing? Why feeling scared of something you're not even sure it exists? Secrets. Coming. Going. Living in our selves! No...I don't want to house them in me, why holding back? Thoughts are just coming to my head. Popping up. It bursts...Yes. It's me.No, you only think you know me. Yeah, perhaps you've seen me face to face. Maybe we crossed a few words. There's a chance I might've called you my friend but if you really think about it, you know nothing about me. What do I like? What do I feel? How do I feel about this or that? Life can be tricky most of the times and it's up to us to find the way out. Yes. Maybe I do love you honestly...but, how to know it? There's no easy way to do it. I might as well just phone you and tell you the much I care about you and you know whether you take it or leave it.Opening up! Ts'always been a huge deal and it's not 'cuz I want to make one out of it, but it's something I'm learning to do carefully. Caution. That is important. Wow! I did mention caution when the reality is that I've been one of the least cautious people during these last years...where did I put my old good friends in this hierarchy that rules my life? Guess I, unintentionally, buried them somehow. Sex is fun, that I know, but think well who you fuck with. Even the one who claims being the healthiest person on the surface of the Earth can end up hitting you with the jackpot, and I don't mean it in the good sense of the word.Eyes/ I look at them. Yes/ Even tho you don't believe me! I do. Being shallow is not being me. Shit! Such a fat lie! I'm really shallow from time to time. Shame on me, huh? It doesn't really matter once you're so into yourself, covered with a thousand shields trying to hide and protect yourself from life. Life's there!! It won't ever go. So why trying to escape it? Face it! Yes. it's so frigging easy to say...so frigging HARD to do. Opening up. Do not ever wrap yourself in sorrow!.