....

She opened her eyes. She didn't know where she was nor the time it ws. Her arms were tied up. Little by little, memories started to pop up in her mind: she had recently been promoted, her friend had got married to a famous actor, her sister had had a baby, her husband had died in a car accident and... the bloody murder of her friend. The smells of the place, which ws a 30-year-old closed movie theater, helped her remember all these things.

Unexpectedly, she remembered everything, even what she did on Thursday 6th when she left her workplace fast to solve the murder of her friend. In that moment, she saw a dark shadow coming closer to her and that was the very moment in which everything was clear as the dark shadow turned out to be her boss! Behind his back, there was a man holding a baby in his arms. It was her friend's husband with his son. Christine felt something repulsive coming out from her guts. Her first impulse was to scream Why did you do it?. Her voice was breaking.

Because I had to - answered the man. A strong slap on her face followed this answer causing her to fall onto the floor. Suddenly, a crowd of people started to step into scene and among them, Christing was able to recognize the governor and other very well-known magnates of the business world.

This is something I wrote with the help of my friend Ulises Torres, better known as KawOruTaTy for an English lesson. I just found it while cleaning my room. Hope you like it.


It was a sunny morning, Christine woke up to prepare a cup of coffee. She was very tired but she didn't knew the reason for her tiredness. The only thing she knew was that she wanted a hot cup of coffee. She looked at the calendar hanging on the wll and noticed it was Friday 7th. For some strange reason, she couldn't recall what she had done last night.

Christine works as a news reporter for a very prestigious local newspaper and, as every morning, she decided to go to work. She left her house and she thought it would be a good idea to take a different route and so, she turned towards South Park. While she was walking, a piercing noise was heard, followed by a soft whisper calling her name. She turned her head in astonishment and she couldn't see anything but regular people living their daily lives. She kept on walking until she arrived at her work. Yet she couldn't help feeling a bit disconcerted.

At work, she started to take out all the papers she would need for the day. She had a very workloaded day. Among the bunch of papers, she found a yellow sticker with the word "Urgent" written on. It also had a date: Monday 3rd. Christine opened the file and suddenly, a photo fell onto the floor. She picked it up. It was a naked young woman. The image was very cruel as it showed a woman full of bruises and cuts all around her dead body. She was about to shriek when, all of a sudden, she heard a low noise, it was her computer letting her know about incoming mails. These mails hadn't been read since wednesday 5th. She only opened the last one whose remitent was her boss.

After a long day of work, she went back home and she called her best friend. They hadn't seen each other in a long while. She wondered why. Her friend always answered her calls, but this time she didn't.

Christine was concerned, worrisome and she got into her car and headed for her friend's house. While parking outside her friend's, she saw the mysterious file in the backseat of her car. She grabbed it, looked at it and screamed. In one of the pictures, she could see the wrist of her friend wearing a silver bracelet she had given her not long ago. She couldn't believe her eyes and got down the car and ran towards the door. Her finger was about to ring the doorbell when she felt a heavy sight all over her.

Two green eyes standed out from the window of Sophie's bedroom. No sooner had Christine seen the creepy esmerald-colored eyes, they disappeared in the darkness that covered the room. She ran as fast s she could towards her car and drove away. She arrived at home, she could hardly breathe. She didn't know what was going on.

She decided to take a relaxing shower of hot water. A deaf noise was heard. It was a window being broken. She jumped out of her bathtub and went immediately to her room, got dressed. Sighed and went downstairs. She heard strange sounds coming from the living room. She went slowly to the kitchen and seized a knife. She saw the broken windoe and entered the living room carefully where the silvery shine of the moon was dimly lighting it. She hesitated whether to turn the lights on or not. She did it. Frightened she saw a dead black cat in the middle of the room. Cabalistic symbols made with its blood surrounded the dead body.

She headed for her bedroom, grasped her cellphone and phoned the police. While the phon was ringing, a big strong arm surrounded her neck. The other hand covered her mouth. She fainted as she smelled the sweet odor of a strange chemical substance.....

As tears were rolling down his cheeks, Ringo felt there was nothing else he could have done diferently. He knew he had done everything he could, but still he felt a void in his heart. Why, in spite of all the things he had done, nothing had ended as he wanted? He felt opressed by his own feelings. KnOCk! knOcK!

- Who's that?

Nobody answered. He remained lying on his bed thinking to himself "it must have been mom". Nevertheless, it was strange. Usually, his mother knocked at the door and then screamed his name with her rusty voice that Ringo found so annoying.

He took a dirty napkin he'd used to clean his mouth after eating a slice of pepperoni pizza and used it to wipe off his tears. He stood up and went to the mirror who observed attentively everything that happened in that bedroom and reproduced it with astonishing precision. He took two steps towards the door and stood quietly as if waiting his mom to call him. Silence.

- Mom? Whatcha need? - He screamed with a dubitative voice.
- Yes, son? - Answered his mom
-Oh, nothing. I'll be in my bedroom if you need anything. - He said relieved.

He turned his head towards a small bookpacked desk where he used to prepare his projects. He noticed a little fly walking towards the pizza leftovers. First attempt to kill it: failed. Second attempt: failed. He gave up as the fly flew away. His thoughts flooded his head again and brought him into a state of numbness. He stretched his arms reaching out his bed and fell on the floor. It was cold. Winter was around the corner. Tears wouldn't come. Still, he felt overwhelmed.

If it wasn't mom...then who knock'd at the door? - The question struck his mind. He left his bedroom and asked her if she had knocked at his door:
-Yes, it was me, son. I thought you were sleeping. That's why I didn't say a word, but I'm glad you're finally up. Do you want to eat something?
- No, mom. Thanks. - He mumbled as he walked back to his bedroom.

I don't want to think about the same thing over and over again - He thought. He locked the door and the fly was still there dancing in the air. It was already driving him mad. He looked at his watch. It was 3pm. What could he do? He had no friends and his boyfriend had just dumped him awakening his insecurities.

What had gone wrong? He always thought they were ok. It was the first time he was in a love relationship with another guy, everything seemed so perfect...but it wasn't.

All this crying and thinking killed his energies. He felt exhausted and sat on the floor, leaned on his bed putting his head on the matress. Felt asleep. Slept...slept...and never woke up.

I know I'm not good at writing poems and I guess this cannot be considered one. I just started writing some ideas that came to mind and I put them as in verses. It doesn't matter if they don't rhyme. I just wanted to write something because I wanted to update this blog

I don’t seem to understand why when I thought things were going to get back on track, it turned out that it all only got worse. It’s truly as a rollercoaster with thousands of up and downs which could be easily described as never-ending. Why when you think your heart can be healed, you are harmed once again? Why when you only give love, you receive rejection from the other side? Why can’t things be clear? Why can’t I understand that I lost this game? I don’t want to give up although it seems to be the best way out to stop hurting others and especially to stop hurting myself. Maybe I wouldn’t be giving up, but I would be giving myself another chance to be happy. I don’t know. I don’t want to do what everybody advises me to do… I guess I feel like I’m losing that persons which in less than expected, got to be a really important person in my life, a person who I still consider to be my best friend. And I read, with an aching heart, “why, when hurt, you don’t know whether to heal the wound or to let yourself drown in it?” I have no idea who this could be written to, but it is something I could translate into my own situation. I am hurt. I’ve been hurt. I’m still being hurt. It’s always easy to say “love yourself and stop this situation that is clearly hurting you”, but when you’re the one living the hellish situation, then it becomes much harder. I don’t think I am asking much, I just want to have what we used to have.
I don’t regret having done anything of what I did because I think things happen for a reason and if that happened, then there’s something good we can get out of it. It’s just that it’s taking too long to appear, I don’t see clear, I cannot see that damned light at the end of the tunnel. Why is it that my heart feels like it is losing something he might have never had? Why don’t I have the courage to express my own feelings? A friend of mine was telling me not long ago that I should state clearly what I want to get in order to make things clear because –according to him- I was probably letting everything on the air and that might have led everything to a huge misunderstanding, and this misunderstanding might be leading things to a different path which things should have never taken in the first place, and second, that this misunderstanding was undermining the chances to better the situation.
Sometimes I just wished my heart would stop beating, or that I was ran over by a huge car and it killed me. Sometimes I wished I was free. Sometimes I wished I wasn’t who I am. I have wished so many things so many times but I never seem to achieve anything. Sometimes when I am walking on the street and I go across the road, I have really wished that a distracted driver would just kill me and he ended with my pain… Sometimes I even walk slowly in the hope that someone appears and kills me. But I guess I live in the wrong city or I walk on very safe streets because nothing of that has happened to me.
Why can’t I stop crying? Why am I allowing this shit affects me this much? Why have I fallen so down? Why does my heart cling to someone it will never have?

Time goes by. People come and go. The time to decide and to make up my mind only gets closer as days pass by. What shall I do when my time here runs out? What will be of me when I wake up and I see that nothingness is the only thing that surrounds me? Luckily, I can say I'm not completely alone, at least I don't feel like that at this moment. It's just that when I look backwards and see what I've been through, the people I've met, the landscapes I've enjoyed and the friends I've made. It all brings back both good and bad memories of my life which make me wonder how well I have lived and how well I am living now... future is only determined by my actions and those actions are to be based on decisions. Sometimes, they say, it's good to think thoroughly about the steps you want to take and other times it's better to avoid overthinking it because if you do so, most of the times you will be missing something that could either be really good or bad, determinative or importantless for your life...who knows?

Now it's the moment to look ahead, to look further, to look beyond. It's time for openness to everything. I can honestly say I'm scared about the future, but who is not? It's also a kind of law that of being fearful from the unknown and the future is clearly one of the best representatives of Uncertainty.

Take a deep breath. Feel the heart beating fast. The rage is running through your veins, I know you can feel it because it burns inside as if it were a huge flame. But, what's the point in letting it burn the walls of your veins, rage is not going anywhere unless you decide to face the truth for once and for all and you notice that you're not the only one with a fear of being left behind, you're not the only one who feels alone....yes, that rage that you feel is not because you're in a huff with the world, but because you're mad at yourself. You're mad that things don't go your way...But, when do things go our way? They never do unless you're a lucky bastard.

I guess that when I start feeling happy with myself and with who I am, I'll start enjoying myself everywhere that I go. I was once told I'm like a marionette with whom everybody can do whatever they want no matter what it is, because I'm so undecided about my own life that anyone who comes around will influence me and will shape me to whatever shape they want of me..whether it is because of their convenience or because things happen like that. Lately, things haven't turned out the way I wanted but that's ok. Now I feel I know something else about myself, I've come to know me a little bit better and even if I won't make any change any time soon, I know that I have to change some things of my personality, and not because I'm trying to please someone else, but because I've noticed it's better for me in order not to get hurt so many times so often.

Maybe I've given too much from me without receiving anything back. Maybe I'm tired of being a friend and now I need to be a foe. Who knows? Not even I do. I am certain I won't stop being a friendly person...even though that is often misunderstood as nosey. I love life, I know it might look dark sometimes and now it's almost black to me, I can hardly see further. But I know I will find a light and I'll be able to see a new day where I am a different person happy with himself. I still have tons of things to do but it's getting late and I'm getting lazy to keep writing.

Hard. Too much thinking, almost overthinking. Living hidden. Fearing. Enjoying. Easy...sometimes. Promiscuity. Self-compassion. Cowardice. Courage. People. Laughter. Sex. Fun. Breathe. Share. Keep for oneself. Loneliness. Trips. Memories. Family. Friends. Me.So many things going on. So big this whirlpool in which emotions come together and melt in only one being: Me.Leaving all you've always thought is right behind...not easy, is it? Wish I had it...yes. We all need it at one point. Why fearing? Why feeling scared of something you're not even sure it exists? Secrets. Coming. Going. Living in our selves! No...I don't want to house them in me, why holding back? Thoughts are just coming to my head. Popping up. It bursts...Yes. It's me.No, you only think you know me. Yeah, perhaps you've seen me face to face. Maybe we crossed a few words. There's a chance I might've called you my friend but if you really think about it, you know nothing about me. What do I like? What do I feel? How do I feel about this or that? Life can be tricky most of the times and it's up to us to find the way out. Yes. Maybe I do love you honestly...but, how to know it? There's no easy way to do it. I might as well just phone you and tell you the much I care about you and you know whether you take it or leave it.Opening up! Ts'always been a huge deal and it's not 'cuz I want to make one out of it, but it's something I'm learning to do carefully. Caution. That is important. Wow! I did mention caution when the reality is that I've been one of the least cautious people during these last years...where did I put my old good friends in this hierarchy that rules my life? Guess I, unintentionally, buried them somehow. Sex is fun, that I know, but think well who you fuck with. Even the one who claims being the healthiest person on the surface of the Earth can end up hitting you with the jackpot, and I don't mean it in the good sense of the word.Eyes/ I look at them. Yes/ Even tho you don't believe me! I do. Being shallow is not being me. Shit! Such a fat lie! I'm really shallow from time to time. Shame on me, huh? It doesn't really matter once you're so into yourself, covered with a thousand shields trying to hide and protect yourself from life. Life's there!! It won't ever go. So why trying to escape it? Face it! Yes. it's so frigging easy to say...so frigging HARD to do. Opening up. Do not ever wrap yourself in sorrow!.

So this time I just wanted to write about something that just popped up in my head and it’s about enjoying what we have in our country…It’s funny to think that this whole thing came to my mind after being thinking about an presentation I’ll be doing for school in the next days. So, the thing is that, as some of you already know, I went to Canada last year and this summer I’m planning to go to England. But before that, I am also going to some places in southern Mexico, like Chiapas, Tabasco and Veracruz and I was thinking to myself …why the hell looking up to other countries when we do have everything within our frontiers! It just struck me the way that people from abroad look at our country and we, as Mexicans, never sit down and take a moment to think about the richness of this god-blessed country.
I’m always like very positive about the things this place has to offer to foreigners, but guess what?? We’re also foreigners within our land! How come? You will be asking yourself, and it’s pretty easy to answer. Let’s say that you’re one of those backpackers who are always looking for new and exciting places to go to. Even though you’ve travelled a lot in and out your country, there’s always something that provokes us awe, and yes, maybe you’ve travelled to most of the states or to most of the countries around the world, but despite of the fact that you got to learn something new, it’s always better to learn it good and then moving on to the next place. I’m just so looking forward to going to the south of Mexico because I know I’ll see lots of different things that will surely seem strange to me. Geez I can’t wait !!
Oh gosh, when I first thought of this I was ready to write a book about it, but now it looks like I’ve forgotten most of my ideas and I certainly don’t have the time to keep writing…so …I guess that’s it by now…I’ll be back soon