It was a long time since I last cried. I don't know why, but reality slapped me on the face one more time and let me know I was expecting too much from everybody. I don't seem to understand what people have told me throughout my life. I should not put any hope on anybody, and then I think not having any expectation is being selfish, but truth is that putting hopes on the rest of the people is being even more selfish because I only want them to be they way I want them to be, either because that makes me feel more confident, secure or simply because it makes me feel comfortable, within my "comfort zone".

I was struck by this just recently when I noticed I was getting iratious with everybody just because things didn't turn out as I wanted, then I just felt disappointed and put aside. There's no one who really cares about other people.

Life is teaching me selfishness is the way to go if I want to succeed. And I guess I'm on the right path. It's just that I feel I am being dishonest with myself as my reality used to be so different from this.

Friends is what I need now. Once again I miss them so much and I cannot stand not being around them but life is like it is and I have to accept they're not going to be around all the time. Wish I was more capable of dealing with myself.